THE BOOK

Ik heb lang gedacht dat ik het zelf zocht.

A true story about trauma, loss, addiction, responsibility and the difficult choice not to pass a pattern on.

Order the bookThis book contains themes of violence, abuse, addiction and suicidality.
Cover of Ik heb lang gedacht dat ik het zelf zocht by Ludovic Paronetto

Not a hero story.

Not a victim story.

A human story about falling, acknowledging harm and learning to choose again.

You are not your trauma. You are not your family tree. You are what you decide to be today.
— Ludovic Paronetto

02 / THEMES

What this story truly examines.

01

Trauma's inheritance

How pain repeats when no one names the pattern.

02

The cost of escape

How numbness, anger and achievement can look like protection — until they do not.

03

Radical responsibility

Explanation is not absolution. Change begins where honesty enters.

04

A new structure

Recovery as daily work: accepting help, learning, building and choosing again.

The story begins with a young mother's promise. It does not end with what was done to her and her son, but with a choice to break the cycle.

03 / AFTER

For anyone who thinks it is too late.

This book does not say recovery is easy. It says a past does not have to be a final verdict.

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